Control, Control, Control
Abusers often feel the need to control their victim as they have frequently have been the victim of abuse themselves and see this as the only way a relationship can work for them.
Violence can also be fuelled by alcohol or drug abuse as this can lower the tolerance of a perpetrator, so that their victim is told they 'get on their nerves' and they lash out. But there are many people who drink who are not violent, but alcohol and drug abuse can lower self control.
If an abuser is prone to using violence then that is what thy will do, irrespective of their social habits.
Domestic abuse is not just about violence though and can go as far as economic abuse, controlling a victim's money and resources, emotional and psychological abuse, blackmailing and forbidding a partner to go places without them. Stalking, humiliation and being over possessive are also other controlling traits.
The victim has low self esteem and confidence and after being further abused, loses even more confidence often being told 'they deserve it' and thus a vicious circle is formed.
The circle of abuse goes round and around...
The circle being - remorse and apology by the perpetrator, acceptance by the victim, an apparent end to violence, then moodiness and tension on the part of the 'batterer' followed by more violence and then more remorse. So the circle continues.
Domestic Violence and abuse is not classed as 'a domestic' any longer.
Since the Domestic Violence, Crime and Victims Act 2004, Domestic Violence is now classified as Common Assault and is an arrestable offence; that means a police officer can arrest the perpetrator if he or she suspects an assault to have taken place, even without a victim having to press charges.
Formerly a partner had to do this to get a conviction and many times a victim is too frightened or 'brainwashed' by the amount of abuse they have endured already.
They are often told they will lose their children and have nowhere to live, their lives are threatened and they often believe that their abuser will stop, didn't mean it or it was a 'mistake'.
Don't keep quiet, speak out!
No-one should have to endure any kind of domestic violence, physical or psychological.
If you are in fear, then go to your local police station and ask to speak to the Domestic Violence unit, or speak to Social Services or the many domestic violence organisations for both men and women.
If your life is at risk then call 999.
Your abuser will rarely stop and it is never acceptable to live with any kind of abuse.
For More Help: Women's Aid
For More Help: ManKind
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